hey girl.
yeah you.
i'm talking to you. the one writing this.
I LOVE YOU.
katelyn.ann.spielman=me.and i love it.
whoa, hold up a minute. conceited much?
uhm no, just thankful much.
my clincals at the hospital teach me something each time i'm there.
today it was self-love, and gratefulness. i was confronted with several heartbreaking stories today.
first: as i was charting at the nurse's station, two middle age men came out of the nearest room, and one frantically in the calmest manner he could asked who his mom's nurse for the day was. upon looking he got his answer to which he responded, "oh i was just wondering, my mom is confused, doesn't have any clothes on and is calling out for my dad." i HATE this. i hate dementia. i LOATHE fear. this is what i saw. not only in this man, but in this sweet woman who i hadn't even set eyes on yet. her nurse was preoccupied so i offered to go in and get her clothes on and attempt to calm her down.
you know sometimes after you've survived something without a breakdown, and can't figure out how when looking back. this is a time like that for me. my classmate and i went in, and asked the woman her name and explained to her that she was in the hospital. she was confused and scared as she asked me with earnest eyes "why i'm in the hospital?"
I HAD NO GOOD ANSWER. i wasn't assigned to her so i had no clue, i softly replied that i didn't know but that he sons were there and we could ask them. she had a picture of an older man next to her pillow. when i asked who the handsome man was, she told me her husband. she asked us to get her sons after we finished putting her gown on. when they came in she was almost in tears. she looked to the son closest to her and inquired "where's daddy?' and the next answer is depressing, "mamma, remember daddy passed, we buried him on monday." FROZEN. all i could do was turn and look at the son who had responded. I DESPISE SEPERATION.i politely finished my duites in the room, and left. later when talking to her son in the hospitality room i asked how long they had been married. 68 YEARS. so heartbreaking.
later i overhear the talk about a second patient who has suffered personality change and combativeness due to a brain tumor. i see this patient walking down the halls with her sister supporting her. she has a packed bag with her. she has been trying to escape the walls on the hospital unit since she got there. she's confused, different and unaware. she used to be successful and herself and now cancer occupies her old body.
incredibly loud is the call for thankfulness today. i'm thankful for my personality. for my memories. for my loved ones. for freedom from disease. for childhood innocence. for the privelage of being a work of God's.
these things about my personality annoy me:
-i talk too much. and give pointless details.
-i laugh obnoxiously with no regard for who hears.
-i'm polite normally, but when i see children i have no problem acting like one and trying to get the kid to be my best friend.
-i go off the beaten path in pursuit of the best tree and stab myself in the foot via sharp toothlike twig.
-i am compulsive and must pick up every single piece of trash littering the area of the woods i am.
-i'm pretty emotional. i mean i am a girl. i can't help but tear up when writing this.
today i'm embracing these weaknesses. today i'm finding the good in them instead.
God has gifted me with some amazing gifts and abilities. I'm so thankful to be me.
"God never called you to be anyone other than you."
-Max Lucado
amen hallelujah.
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