but what more is a rainbow than colors out of reach?

above= swept away by my beloveds. this reminds me of the importance of showing my Pa these wonderful bluegrass bands i love. he LOVES bluegrass and when he listened to it during my childhood i hated it, and all the bros & hoes (i mean sisters:)) and i complained...but NOW??? now...in my college years i've found who i am in this wonderful grass of blue. mmmhmmm i love me this music.

moving on to what put a smile on my face this evening! after feeling awful for how i've been treating myself and others and namely the LORD, i got a lovely reminder of why i call Mary Elizabeth Middleton my bestie for the freaking restie! aww..God sure knew what He was doing in that summer of '09.

 i got two wonderful letters from BOSTON today!!!:) one from court with the following lovely drawing:

"this could be us if you came to visit. we would have so much fun...AGAIN!"

thank ya for this work of art and for making Mary and I twins...

ok now for what my best friend sent me to make my day better! she wrote this

"list of things i know about you (as in me, Katelyn peeps!)

1.) you just got a speeding ticket...(thanks for the freaking reminder about that $125)

2.) you dream big and great things so i know in your life, you will do big and great things such as:

• live in liverpool
• live in porty, orgy (she really wrote that and put LOL next to it...she's slightly immature;))
• live in boston-yea!
• save a life in a super cool way...idk how but i bet you will:)
• own a dairy farm w/ a rugged yet sensitive, hippie folkish Jesus-loving hunk of a MAN (PREACH IT SISTA!!!! THIS MEAN IT WILL COME TRUE RIGHT?!?!)
• you'll probably win the Nobel Peace Prize, just saying..

3.) you've lived in kansas your whole life

4.) both Donna and Deborah are lucky to have us as daughters

5.) you can tell a soccer stud apart from a regular Joe by his calves (sometimes forearms)

6.) you have a super friendly personality and are great at small talk

7.) you inspire me to do things i don't like to do such as:

•  move to nashville
• listen to indie music
• explore boston
• be a better person    "

also she sent me my belated birthday card...and it actually got here before april. 

 in conclusion....i'm so freaking blessed!!!!!!

i.love.my.twinsie.

the cave

no matter how many times i repent, or beg of Your forgiveness
the enemy pursues and too often succeeds in winning my choice.
i.hate.this.
i hate when i so easily succumb to his selfish, habitual, false ways.
i hate myself after i choose darkness over light.

temporary satisfaction in what the world offers takes power over my heart and welcomes itself in my Saviour's home.
and here's the shocking and outrageous thing....i allow it.


for loving this filthy sinner, my God you are true, unconditional and amazing.
thank you.
for this empty handful i bring YOU, my creator, i apologize....once AGAIN.
i'm sorry.

sin has this way of not letting me forget. i feel that to PAY my due i must at least guilty about it for a while. i've made my bed and now i must lie in it. BUT i know the truth. i heard it in one my favorite songs by Chris August on the radio today:

"7 times 70 times

If that’s the cost I’ll pay the price

7 times 70 times

I’ll do what it takes to make it right"

Jesus spoke to me in a lonely car moment at 6 this evening.

He knew the cost, and payed the price and went to hell and back to claim me in the name of LOVE for the kingdom of his Father, My God above. I have been bought at a price. a price set by human choice, and worldly standards BUT conquered by a Heavenly choice to cross out the power of a stupid worldly standard.

to end here is my new anthem to my selfish ways, past and enemy:

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways

I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time

You take what is yours and I'll take mine

Now let me at the truth

Which will refresh my broken mind

thank ya very much for saying it for me mumford and sons.

i heart you hardcore.

i should be studying pediatric nursing...

instead i'm writing this...

"the years go by, like the waters in our lover's eyes,
ohhh years go by, like the waters in our lover's eyes,

the years go by like stones under rushing water,
we only know, we only know when it's gone."

i hate the claustrophobia associated with the feeling of being trapped.
this is exactly how i feel right now.
not trapped in a small physical space but the confinement of this stage in my life.
stagnant. without movement.

i still have a whole year left of school after this semester. doesn't seem like an eternity to sane individuals and rightfully so, but to me it seems like a FREAKING lifetime that i'm stuck. the friends i commenced my college journey with will walk across the stage and receive a diploma of graduation in their chosen degree, i will watch. watch on the sidelines, as life moves on and progresses for them. reminded that i cannot move to a new exciting location (cough cough, NASHVILLE) or travel or start a dream job it's taken my years to receive the certification to pursue.

am i aware that this is the post of a complete helpless whiner??? yes. yes i am. i am whining like God hasn't provided or doesn't have a plan for me, and i'm aware that HE does have a plan. HE lead me to apply for freshman RA i'm certain, and i know this endeavor will bring lifetime memories, friendships and a continued year-long opportunity to invest in the lives of younger girls.

BUT...this light at the end of the tunnel is still too distant and dim to brighten my feelings of downright dread of a year left at this one, same location.

ah...maybe tomorrow or next week the light will grow stronger...as for tonight this whiner baby is off to attempt to study for a certain test that is at 8 a.m. in the morning. THANK you good LORD for carmelado frozen explosions with 2 shots of expresso!

sweeter in tennessee!

I.LOVE.NASHVILLE.
just in case you were wondering...which i'm sure you were. my trip to that great city where music thrives, southern charm breathes, and where spring blooms beauty, was simply sweet. i can't wait to live there one day in a cute old house!

yoga in the park baby!

 some memories that are too sweet and hilarious to keep to myself?

her face in this confirms what i've known all along...rebecca is indeed the devil.

maybe the fact that we were greeted with the reoccurring omens of spotting creepy things three times. first omen happened as we were driving to my dear friend wong-tong's house in the ghetto. i warned my sister and anna of the location of house/hotel we'd be staying for the duration of our trip. one might think that the creepy omen that haunted us as we drove in the ghetto at 3 in the morning might be hearing a gunshot or observing a robbery or something of the same caliber. our omen however involved a man dressed in all black, and a wheelchair.
 as i was navigating the streets of the ghetto looking for the house, my eyes spotted a dark figure dressed in all black, parallel to our car in the middle of the opposite lane in a wheel chair rolling down the road!!! this is something creepy that rebecca and i would dream up in one of our hypothetical stories we create. he didn't even look over! all of us were freaked out to the max. upon arriving to the house, i gave the girls a pep talk..
"ok..no dilly-dallying around! get your stuff fast and hurry to the door before wheel chair man gets down here!"
before i could even execute the plan with unlocking the car doors, rebecca directed my attention to the boy's front porch where there sat.....an automatic wheelchair!!!! bah. why do they EVEN have that? i still don't know why!
 we made it to the house that night without another sighting. the next day after our galavanting and rehashing the nightmare with the boys of the house, we all went to a star party that was free!!!!  (uhm please note how perfect a party this was for me from my previous posts!) on the way to the party however as we were driving down a back road something terribly creepy happened: we saw a man in an automatic wheelchair in the dark!!!!!!!!!! the girls screamed while the two boys in the car, brian & fletcher just laughed at the hilarious trend. THEN on the way home from the star party while sitting at a stop sign, i got nervous when i began to hear ominous chuckles from BRIAN WONG'S mouth. then i saw him...well only half of him from under a semi-trailer in the parking lot across the street....wheelchair man!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhh!!!! why?!?!? it was so creepy.
 we also saw a black little man three times one night as well while driving. what does this mean? 
hilarious memories and instant additions to my favorite list were had. 
 nashville places you must go according to me:


*the frothy monkey
*hillsboro
*blakemore ("i'm the cutest church) of the nazarene
*BAJA BURRITO!!!!!!!! (send me some wong-tong!)


*pancake pantry (get ya some cinnamon syrup..mmmhm)

*jackson's (my fav from a previous trip, can you say yummy cookie dough eggrolls!)                                        
                                                                                    

the sister doing the creep with cj and wong-tong post her announcing the folloing to cj, "whoa look at your crotch!"

* pics from annabel's sweet camera documenting our adventures to our theme song for the trip! 


i can guarantee, things are sweeter in tennessee!

rainbow chip cookies, coffee oh my...

I WANT SOME SNACKS THAT ARE BAD FOR ME!!!! can i go buy some rainbow chip mini rainbow cookies or cheezits?? no. because someone had this bright idea...no excessive spending...meaning none of the following staples of my weekly life:
-iced frappe from mickey d's or scooter's
-cafeteria food from the hospital instead of a sack lunch
-some sweet thing that catches my eye in the store etc.
-a coke zero or cherry limeade from sonic...HAPPY HOUR IS THE DEVIL!
-clothes hanging on the sale rack at TARJAY. i need to spell it like i say it.

one lovely thing coming from this minuscule sacrifice compared to Jesus' on the cross is the following:
-i'm gonna save some money!!!! no more materialistic diva in these parts!
-having coffee from MY awesome beautiful PRESS...only the 3rd time...bah..the indecency of my laziness!
-i get to use some cute purchases like that peace lunch bag from old navy!

look at those beauties!

i.love.lent.

p.s.-tomorrow the best thing is happening on the way to clinicals tomorrow, can't wait!!!!! also i leave for freaking NASHVILLE BABY!!!!!!!!!!! hello break in my spring!

out of these ashes

i must confess. i would've forgot it was ash wednesday if it hadn't been for those post-chapel goers walking through the library, distracting me. i'm glad they did. i was hungry and needed to be fed with the presence of Jesus. so thanks to that reminder from strangers i dashed on over to an ash wednesday service after eating my din din.
 before din din, i checked my mail box and read the following bold line from a certain letter: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE BEEN SELECTED TO BE A RESIDENT ASSISTANT FOR STOCKTON.

this process of considering this position, applying for it, interviewing for it, and waiting for the results has been extraordinarily peaceful. like crazy amounts of peace were circulating through my system.

  a.) i didn't plan on being at MNU for a 5th year and definitely didn't wish to move back to freshman dorms after living in suites for 2 years BUT...
   b.) i had several weird incidents where people who live off campus asked me if i was applying for RA when i hadn't even spoken the thought that i was thinking  it aloud! i yelped "who told you that?" at poor jeanie from my clinical group!
   c.) encouragement to pursue this came from students and faculty both
   d.) during my interview, i was so relaxed and at ease...i mean i was delivering smooth sentences that conveyed what i was trying to say completely accurate, and even received the compliment of having a good vocab at the end of it! (uhm...i love big words, but can rarely use them in daily life let alone a normally nerve racking interview!)

  honestly this is not what i had planned or foresaw for myself next year, BUT i'm certain now that God did all along. while i was freaking out, having a 1/4 of a life crisis the december before last about needing to stay an extra year at MNU, God was probably chuckling as i sobbed. (ok..so probably not simultaneously...that would be too cruel for my God..) there's always a purpose in God's planning, and rarely in mine. i LOVE when HIS plan exceeds my measly expectations for my future.
  this theme applies to my lenten season this year as well. i sell myself short consistently. i take the short cut to joy, and choose instant happiness gratification with what the world offers. even still there's a creator who lifts me out of the ashes remaining of all i've burned down or tried to do in order to bring me life. true joy is not in selfish ways or weakness but in HIM and his strength. i've had the epiphany that even when i fail to recognize it, he is continually providing me with his strength so that i might progress and grow and be finally presented at my rightful place......by HIS side. 


i.am.claimed.
and he provides even when i fail to uphold my end of this love relationship. i'm unfaithful to my lover. i cheat on him over and over again with the world. so this season of remembrance i've chosen to give up things that can easily lead me down the path of adultery.
  i'm giving up un-necessary spending & cursing.  for those of you unaware of that last bad habit, pinch yourself, it happens. un-necessary spending is anything other than tithe, gas and food items from the grocery store that are nutritional. so adios taco bell, drinks, hospital cafe lunches, scooter's & mcdonald's iced coffees, sweet treats, anything in target, clothes etc. it's going to be SO VERY hard, BUT i'm not enslaved to you materialism! BOOM. you can't touch this baby!
  now everyone please say a prayer that the last line wasn't said in vain....did i mention this is going to be difficult????

"what are you going to do on a dairy farm???"

i had the extreme privilege of spending time with my hilarious and awesome friends visiting from boston yesterday, the two and only meg hardee and micah horton! it's crazy to me to think a year ago today i had NEVER even met these two, and yet last night i was spending time with two of my greatest friends! individually i love these beings and together as the couple of newly engaged kids they are, they radiate a beautiful love that makes me oh so happy. do you think i was a tad excited to see them yesterday???
  you're right. i wasn't in the least. i mean it's SO excruciatingly boring having to hang out with them! it's not like i can acquire a handful of hilarious memories or fantastic quotes straight from the horse, i mean thoroughbred's mouth!
 "how many kids do y'all want?"-me
 "like 4"- meg
 "uhm...we'll see."-micah (while simultaneously receiving the stink eye from his fiancee)
 "please have at least 4, my 6 children are going to need other children to have play dates with on our dairy farm!"-an obsessed crazy person who longs for a dairy farm
 "what are you going to do on a dairy farm??? milk thoroughbreds????"-micah horton
 "those are horses!"-me


the night was full laughter, hilarious quotes in addition to the above and well spent fellowship with my long distance friends. i might also need to confess that this vegetarian happened to consume oklahoma joe's bbq for the very 1st time last night in an effort to take them somewhere uniquely local to o-town. not gonna lie...1st taste of nasty a-- pork in over a year and couldn't have savored it more. so delicioso yet so bloating after. 


p.s.-discovering this song late last night ended a glorious night and was made complete with the presence of the beautiful rain this lovely morning. joyful.

look who's back, back again

what up playa haters?

i've returned to the blogesphere with all sorts of attitude and motivation to jot some thoughts down...just not too many.

   i've decided that in an effort to maintain normal length entries that aren't a bore or the length of a certain university's president's prayers (PAINFULLY, UNNECESSARILY LONG) i shall borrow from an idea conceived by a blogger i follow daily miss emily anderson from this cute little blog:
www.andersonfamilycrew.blogspot.com and merely post moments in my times...not detailed accounts of every daily event, which has proven to be too monumental. (insert my absence in the posting category!)

notable moments from this past weekend? it might begin with a beautiful and selfless mother's birthday in the hometown and end with a night of jello shots and polka dancing!

    we went to a german club from top city's german fasching for mardi gras in a very claustrophobic catholic basement filled to the brim with loads of alcohol and hilarious moments. catholics+germans=this scenario. my family by no means demonstrated this equation, we just enjoyed watching the aftermath of drunk old people trying to polka dance.


highlights i would like to remember 50 years from now???
-watching an older lady from my church down a jello shot...(we're nazzys peeps...so this was HILARIOUS..pretty sure she wasn't quite sure what it was!)
-getting asked to dance....by a 50 year old man...and watching my Pa do absolutely NOTHING to save me
-seeing the hubster to the previously mentioned lady from my church jump exceedingly high after completing the butt wiggle shake down portion of the chicken dance
-occupying myself with watching the slightly feminine priest all evening do hilarious things in his lederhosen costume.

this was longer than i hope to post in the future...but hey it's a start to this minimizing goal.