out of these ashes

i must confess. i would've forgot it was ash wednesday if it hadn't been for those post-chapel goers walking through the library, distracting me. i'm glad they did. i was hungry and needed to be fed with the presence of Jesus. so thanks to that reminder from strangers i dashed on over to an ash wednesday service after eating my din din.
 before din din, i checked my mail box and read the following bold line from a certain letter: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE BEEN SELECTED TO BE A RESIDENT ASSISTANT FOR STOCKTON.

this process of considering this position, applying for it, interviewing for it, and waiting for the results has been extraordinarily peaceful. like crazy amounts of peace were circulating through my system.

  a.) i didn't plan on being at MNU for a 5th year and definitely didn't wish to move back to freshman dorms after living in suites for 2 years BUT...
   b.) i had several weird incidents where people who live off campus asked me if i was applying for RA when i hadn't even spoken the thought that i was thinking  it aloud! i yelped "who told you that?" at poor jeanie from my clinical group!
   c.) encouragement to pursue this came from students and faculty both
   d.) during my interview, i was so relaxed and at ease...i mean i was delivering smooth sentences that conveyed what i was trying to say completely accurate, and even received the compliment of having a good vocab at the end of it! (uhm...i love big words, but can rarely use them in daily life let alone a normally nerve racking interview!)

  honestly this is not what i had planned or foresaw for myself next year, BUT i'm certain now that God did all along. while i was freaking out, having a 1/4 of a life crisis the december before last about needing to stay an extra year at MNU, God was probably chuckling as i sobbed. (ok..so probably not simultaneously...that would be too cruel for my God..) there's always a purpose in God's planning, and rarely in mine. i LOVE when HIS plan exceeds my measly expectations for my future.
  this theme applies to my lenten season this year as well. i sell myself short consistently. i take the short cut to joy, and choose instant happiness gratification with what the world offers. even still there's a creator who lifts me out of the ashes remaining of all i've burned down or tried to do in order to bring me life. true joy is not in selfish ways or weakness but in HIM and his strength. i've had the epiphany that even when i fail to recognize it, he is continually providing me with his strength so that i might progress and grow and be finally presented at my rightful place......by HIS side. 


i.am.claimed.
and he provides even when i fail to uphold my end of this love relationship. i'm unfaithful to my lover. i cheat on him over and over again with the world. so this season of remembrance i've chosen to give up things that can easily lead me down the path of adultery.
  i'm giving up un-necessary spending & cursing.  for those of you unaware of that last bad habit, pinch yourself, it happens. un-necessary spending is anything other than tithe, gas and food items from the grocery store that are nutritional. so adios taco bell, drinks, hospital cafe lunches, scooter's & mcdonald's iced coffees, sweet treats, anything in target, clothes etc. it's going to be SO VERY hard, BUT i'm not enslaved to you materialism! BOOM. you can't touch this baby!
  now everyone please say a prayer that the last line wasn't said in vain....did i mention this is going to be difficult????