instead i'm writing this...
"the years go by, like the waters in our lover's eyes,
ohhh years go by, like the waters in our lover's eyes,
the years go by like stones under rushing water,
we only know, we only know when it's gone."
i hate the claustrophobia associated with the feeling of being trapped.
this is exactly how i feel right now.
not trapped in a small physical space but the confinement of this stage in my life.
stagnant. without movement.
i still have a whole year left of school after this semester. doesn't seem like an eternity to sane individuals and rightfully so, but to me it seems like a FREAKING lifetime that i'm stuck. the friends i commenced my college journey with will walk across the stage and receive a diploma of graduation in their chosen degree, i will watch. watch on the sidelines, as life moves on and progresses for them. reminded that i cannot move to a new exciting location (cough cough, NASHVILLE) or travel or start a dream job it's taken my years to receive the certification to pursue.
am i aware that this is the post of a complete helpless whiner??? yes. yes i am. i am whining like God hasn't provided or doesn't have a plan for me, and i'm aware that HE does have a plan. HE lead me to apply for freshman RA i'm certain, and i know this endeavor will bring lifetime memories, friendships and a continued year-long opportunity to invest in the lives of younger girls.
BUT...this light at the end of the tunnel is still too distant and dim to brighten my feelings of downright dread of a year left at this one, same location.
ah...maybe tomorrow or next week the light will grow stronger...as for tonight this whiner baby is off to attempt to study for a certain test that is at 8 a.m. in the morning. THANK you good LORD for carmelado frozen explosions with 2 shots of expresso!
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